


Twisted

by 30MinuteLoop



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Gen, Mirror Universe, takes place during S1E12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:16:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/30MinuteLoop/pseuds/30MinuteLoop
Summary: Paul Stamets, Master of Poisons, gave up on his heart's desires to stay alive. Seeing his other self in love gives him a few moments of doubt.





	Twisted

Paul Stamets, Master of Poisons, looked at his mirror self and scowled.

“Hugh? Who’s that?”

But the other Stamets was already hurrying out of the room.

Of course, he already knew who Hugh was, and he wasn’t impressed. A soft, principled type who was so in _love_. And of course the other Stamets was obviously motivated by his love for Hugh as well.

Paul Stamets, on the other hand, had spent years building a very tall wall around himself when it came to other people. He had his modicum of power and respect, such as it was, to maintain. Staying alive meant anonymous one-night stands on shore leave, not sexual power games with subordinates hungry to curry favor until they could kill him and take his place. When it came to sex, Paul Stamets was too easily exploitable, too easily fooled.

No, keeping his distance was best, he reminded himself as he set off to find the other Stamets. Paul preferred his work in all aspects - it was subtle, with many avenues for research and experimentation. He could bide his time, observing his staff and colleagues and getting to know them from a safe distance. By now, Paul could tell someone was dangerous to his life and job long before they knew it themselves. He could kill them before the day was out: tablet, hypospray, air circulation, food, drinks, darts, a touch with a gloved hand…

_Hot breath and lips on his neck. A long awaited refuge at the end of a difficult day in his lab. A sudden twist of the body behind him confused him until he felt the knife at his throat. He spun around, pulling a micro-hypospray from an inside pocket of his unbuttoned shirt as he did so, shoving it against the sweaty skin in front of him as the knife came in towards his stomach. He squeezed his eyes shut, throwing himself backwards. He landed hard, throwing his arms out in front of him to futilely ward off the killing blow._

_Instead, he heard a couple of sickening thuds. He looked up to see the other man collapsed on the floor, face down. Blood from the cut on Paul’s neck dripped slowly onto the floor._

Standing over the body of someone he had thought he could trust, he had realized that he was uniquely vulnerable when it came to the attention of men.

Paul had resolved to build his walls even higher.

But just a short time ago, seeing that handsome and caring man, Hugh Culber, light up at the sight of him before all too quickly realizing this wasn’t his Paul - that twisted something in his chest permanently. He had felt his composure slip just a bit, something behind that wall fighting with renewed vigor to get out.

Paul eventually found the other Stamets, locked in his quarters with that _doctor._ As he shouted through the door, he suddenly realized he was _jealous_. Consumed with an ugly jealousy that twisted his gut along with his heart. This sentimental version of himself had something, well, had _had_ something, that he had convinced himself he did not want: the desires in his heart that had long been walled away.

But now sparks of light clouded his vision, and he felt his body go weightless. Paul was going to get out of the network! He was going to wake up on the Charon and be fine. He was going to patch up that wall with ambition and knowledge and _survival_.

What a relief that he didn’t share Mirror Stamets’ fate, Paul decided as his eyes opened in his lab. What a relief that he’d refused to open himself up. After all, Mirror Stamets’ love was _dead_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @lucyisalive for the beta read.
> 
> I love comments and kudos and all interaction! Thanks for reading!


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